Title: The Da Vinci Code
Starring: Tom Hanks, Audrey Tautou
Genre: Mystery, Action
Rated: Kinda Sucks

So here's the synopsis.

While in Paris on business, Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) receives an urgent late-night phone call: the elderly curator of the Louvre has been murdered inside the museum. Near the body, police have found a baffling cipher. While working to solve the enigmatic riddle, Langdon is stunned to discover it leads to a trail of clues hidden in the works of Da Vinci—clues visible for all to see—yet ingeniously disguised by the painter. Langdon joins forces with a gifted French cryptologist, Sophie Neveu, and learns the late curator was involved in the Priory of Sion—an actual secret society whose members included Sir Isaac Newton, Botticelli, Victor Hugo, and Da Vinci, among others. They learn the sercret of the "real" Jesus. That he was married, and that his decendents are walking among us. In a breathless race through Paris, London, and beyond, Langdon and Neveu match wits with a faceless powerbroker who seems to anticipate their every move. Unless Langdon and Neveu can decipher the labyrinthine puzzle in time, the Priory's ancient secret—and an explosive historical truth—will be lost forever.

Sounds exciting doesn't it? Sounds like, "Hey, I hate Christianity too. I could totally dig a movie about uncovering its lies. I've always wanted to think about Jesus givin' it to some chick! That's my favorite pornographic plotline!"

Yeah, that's what I thought until I sat through it, tortured not only by Tom Hanks' hair, but by the acting, direction, and especially the writing. Oh Lord the writing! When will the pain stop? Not only that, but it's one of those movies that you can't walk out on because you are for some reason still interested in the story. And by "story" I mean "whether or not they have sex in the end" Guess what! They don't. They just don't. They share a moment, gazing at each other, tickled. Then she makes a joke about walking on water and they share a nice giggle.

The one good thing I have enjoyed about this story is the aftermath. The churches holding sermons entitled "The Lies Of The Da Vinci Code" and all sorts of other propaganda that they have unleashed to battle the already propagated Da Vinci Code propaganda. Let's watch.